This morning I woke up feeling somewhat nostalgic. It all has something to do with a dream I had last night. Ja, a dream – but nothing close to that of Martin Luther King, Jnr. It was a dream about me and my girlfriend reuniting under some cloud of romance. I was holding her in my arms and kissing her. She was so in love with me. However, the dream turned weird as I saw myself running around naked all of a sudden. Indeed, things happen. I don't remember how it ended, ja, but I'm still haunted by the dream. It made me miss my woman you know.
The most painful thing is that we parted for a silly reason, which I will lay down for you today. You see, me and my girlfriend met as Christians some years ago, at church. We applied the no-sex before marriage thing but after nine months of begging to be loved, I ended up giving up on the relationship because I felt that since we were in love we could share it intimately with each other. Well, she changed her mind and we started doing it. For me, after having personally engaged in sex with scores of women before her, it became the most satisfying experience of them all. The reason was that for the first time in my life I made love to a woman I loved. I enjoyed the moments before sex, the moments after sex, and the moments that stayed in my memory ever since. I have never enjoyed sex with anyone else like I did with her.
As the romance progressed we were met with the expected “relationship problems” and had a lot of misunderstandings. I take total responsibility for those that were caused by me. Further down the line I began to grow in my relationship with God, and started demanding answers. Where God said you can ask for anything in his name, I did that. And if no answer came, I wanted God to explain himself and defend his word. Many Christians saw this as a defiance of god, forgetting that God says in the bible says, “Come, let us reason together.” I wanted to reason when other people chose to keep quiet while silently concluding that God is unfaithful. My woman was one of those people. As a result, we debated scripture and ended up separating when I finally gave the religion my middle finger.
Recently I reunited with God as he gave me a better understanding of the bible and how to approach it in a practical way. However, at this point our relationship was no longer strong with the woman. She believed that I am misguided and that I misinterpret the bible. Her take is that for us to continue the relationship, we have to get married first. So, no intimacy until I have paid lobola and gotten blessed by a priest. I told her we can't talk marriage when we have not yet fully reunited with each other as the rifts had torn us apart and changed our characters. I told her we needed time to reknow each other. But stubborn daughter of her mother that she is, my lady told me that I must choose between marriage or a break-up. She made it clear that I would be getting no loving until we are married, and that is like a year away. I decided that I would rather break-up than marry a woman I no longer knew. I am a product of divorce and I know that people who force themselves into marriage end up at the divorce court with their kids languishing in trauma. It made it worse that my woman doesn't believe in divorce. I believe that I can't stay with someone even when the relationship is toxic. So while I don't condone divorce, I believe that it is a necessary option when other options don't work. By choosing for us to know each other first I was choosing to stay away from a divorce later on in our marriage. Damn, she knew I wanted to marry her, and my family knew and her mother was almost clued up about us. Yet, she chose to doubt my intentions. So we went our ways. This reminds me of Usher's Separated track.
That's what went down in brief. That's what contributed to my dream. That's what made me write this entry.
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