A Perfect Woman 4 Me?

A Perfect House: It belongs to one Tokiya! Sexwale. And a perfect ride for some Millionaire.

Losing love is always painful, especially at my age when you are indicisive whether to marry her or to get a new “perfect” one.

Bad:

I never thought that my heart would miss her so damn much. Maybe she should have bewitched me, coz I mean, change is good when something is not working, like our relationship. It's been the same story for years and I feel I can't take another make up. That's not the kind of relationship I ordered when I gave God that phone call. It hurts as if I have lost part of me even though we have not officially broken the cord. And I must say that it is my obsession with perfection that messes up everything. I have never taken her out on a date and I never visit her enough (I mean I've only visited once this year). My problem is that I always wait for the “right” moment, the “right” financial standing, the “right” everything. Seemingly I am selfish to the bone because I want to appear perfect by refusing to try anything that's less than perfect. Another example is that I am not planning to have children until I am rich. When will that be? If never, it really means I will never be a papa. And it also means I will never marry because I want my wife to be a queen. Maybe I'm too much of a Virgo. Maybe it's just an excuse and I just don't have enough passion for the “important” things in life. All my youth, all I ever wanted was the “good” life and I doubt if I'll ever want anything else. That's why even my church is for those who want the “good” life. All I do is teach them through scripture how God can bring prosperity in their lives.

Worse:

Although it seems our relationship is doomed, somewhere in me I don't feel like fighting for it because I just never know what to do with the love of a good woman. I never know what to do with compliments as I am always thinking I could do better and compliments sound as if I don't have to because the shit is already being appreciated. That's why I have been working a year now but I haven't had the slightest thought of buying a damn car for now because I am waiting to afford a Benzito and an H2. A stupid car will just make me feel like I have underachieved. You wouldn't believe that the same amount I could be paying for a car every month I only pay to buy “good” books and “good” beer. When I see something at the shop that may look “good” on her I always wonder if that won't create expectations that I won't be able to meet. It's a sad day in Tshwarelo's life. I feel like taking two months off just to pray and find God.i have a problem with perfection and to me it's not a problem at all. I can change but I don't want to because then I won't be unique.

Better:

Maybe I just need advice. Should I date other women or should I keep my one? What if she has since cheated on me? My name is Tshwarelo (Forgiveness), but that has nothing to do with me forgiving others. It's just a name so you could be able to say Tshwarelo when talking about me or calling me from a crowd. I hate being a bad guy so much that I wish she could get a “good” guy so her life could be better, so I could be free from her judgement of me when she's talking to herself or her friends. Maybe I just need advice but I know none of you guys out there are perfect at giving any. Easier said than done isn't it?

Good:

I have resolved to pray for myself over this week until I get an answer. By prayer I mean deep spiritual tongue-talk with the Holy Spirit. I don't want my intelligence to overhear my dealings with the Supernatural. All I want is for God to let me know if she's the one or not. If she's the one I will fight for her because I cannot afford to lose the woman of my life, my soul mate. If she's not the one, then “good” luck to the next man in her life. Maybe she needs a “stronger” man who talks tough and takes the leadership role he's been given by his genes. I am not a dictator by nature, I am a free person who lets others be free and do as they will, maybe that's my problem. It is. Women need a man who is in charge (of them), but I can't be that motherfucker, I have my own life to live. Maybe the next man in her life will have a much bigger penis and sex drive that will keep him visiting her even when she doesn't want. Maybe she should pray as well. Maybe she has already prayed and God told her I wasn't the one but she just didn't listen. I will pray. And please somebody pray for me.